“Sometimes you need to let go of the person you think you are, in order to become the person you are meant to be” ~Katrina Kenison
You never really know where you are going to find happiness. I can count the amount of times I was sure that I was about to do something amazing only to find myself feeling let down by the ordinariness of the day. Conversely some of the greatest points of my life have happened out of no where, or during moments of doom (Alder’s new favorite word). From the look of the world out there everyone seems to be looking for the happiness formula. As if it is something that you can create through science, or worse, mimicking someone else’s experience.
I was so sure I knew what would make me happy, make my family happy. We have spent eight years fighting for the creation of a life that never fit quite right. We never quite got a handle on all the important details that seemed to keep the contentment and happiness away. Then a few weeks ago there were some changes that had to happen and suddenly (I do not use that word lightly), as the changes happened I found a sense of peace that I haven’t felt since I was a child. No my life isn’t all sorted out. But there is a certain feeling in my inhaling that has never been there.
As for the Interstate, it is on these morning trips west along the interstate. While Alder counts the lamp posts or cars with roof racks that I feel that joy distilled. After two years of trying to force my child to fit into traditional school, as well as attempts to learn with him at home, he has found his place. Every morning he gets up and asks when we can leave, and in the afternoons he is often sad when we go. As a mother feeling the calm and happiness that has come to my child infects me. When I let go of how I was going to give my child what he needed, and explored how he could get what he needs without depending entirely on me to support I found there was a place where he can have more freedom than I could ever give him.
Now it is up to me to find how I can reignite my passion and find how I can grow in this new happiness we are cultivating.