Autumn Centers Me

14372291_10154094246656843_3011047719323592354_o“Not a day goes by that I don’t still need to remind myself that my life is not just what’s handed to me, nor is it my list of obligations, my accomplishments or failures, or what my family is up to, but rather it is what I choose, day in and day out, to make of it all. When I am able simply to be with things as they are, able to accept the day’s challenges without judging, reaching, or wishing for something else, I feel as if I am receiving the privilege, coming a step closer to being myself. It’s when I get lost in the day’s details, or so caught up in worries about what might be, that I miss the beauty of what is.”
Katrina Kenison, The Gift of an Ordinary Day: A Mother’s Memoir

Monday marks the Jewish New Year Rosh Hashanah and the the week that follows is considered a time of contemplation, ending in Yom Kippur, the day of atonement. But, as I have mentioned before, my version of being Jewish is more intuitive than prescribed. To me those eleven days as a time to think deeply it isn’t forgiveness that I am searching for, rather how the next year will be framed spiritually, emotionally, and creatively.

This summer there have been so many layers of change and stress, all of which I have just processed without loosing it. I’ve had to the grownup for months now; except it isn’t being grown up it’s being numb. I wish I could just be “a wreck” for a day or two, let my emotions wash through me. Except there are still things that have to get done, and no time for emotions. I’m never this person, I’m the woman who lets her emotions out first and then sees the order to things. But this summer it couldn’t be that way.

So I am going to take those eleven days to feel things. I can’t afford to loose it yet but each day I am going to give myself time to feel, to look forward and find my center again. Through words and images, surrounded by people and in the quiet of the mountains. I’m not looking for an Answer (yes big A) but I hope that to find a more balanced way this year where emotions and the practical are both given their place in my life and soul.

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